Turned On? Or Turned Off?

So we all have specific traits in guys that we look for when deciding to snog, date, marry, make human beings with, etc. I’m regularly asked, ‘What’s your type?’ For me, I go for the typical boy-band, tanned stud looks: give me Zac Efron any day of the week. Let me tell you, I’ve had to downgrade on dates because there ain’t many Zac’s running around the UK that’s for sure.

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Everyone is turned on differently, and everyone has those niggly traits that make them say ‘hell yeah daddy’ in the bedroom or make them run hell for leather the other way. I’m addressing the five entertaining and slightly comical traits that divide opinions in my friendship group:

  1. Baldness

Any kind of baldness is a TURN OFF for me. If the hairline is fractionally receding, this is a massive NOPE. I know, of course, that baldness is a common trait, and it’s actually rare these days to find a man who doesn’t have a receding hairline even in his mid-20’s! But not everyone can look like Jason Statham, let’s be honest. I want that feeling when I’m running my fingers through his hair in a moment of passion. What do you do with a bald head? Stroke the thing? Tell it everything will be ok? Answers would be greatly appreciated.

If you’re like me and you don’t like baldness, the trick to finding out early if he will eventually go bald or not is to look at his dad. Baldness is hereditary. Ask to meet the parents as soon as you start dating him. This, in turn, is risky as he will probably think you guys are going ‘too fast’ but you need answers, girlfriend.

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  1. Beards

The ultimate 2016 hipster trend turning ‘fours’ into ‘tens.’ Your guy-mate who embarrassingly got IDed everywhere you went has suddenly grown a sexy, rugged beard – transforming his look from ‘about 12-years-old’ to someone you’d actually want to date. You don’t say ‘aww’ when you look at him anymore and instantly regret friend-zoning him all those years ago. The beard has made him a sexy grown-up Wolfman, and you want to rip his clothes off! Turned on or turned off by beards you can’t deny that they add character. By the way, I’m talking about a full-grown ass beard that’s well kept, not a prepubescent attempt at a beard nor anything that resembles Gandalf.


  1. Turtleneck Jumpers

This one didn’t divide any opinion actually, but I need to address this trend because they are a massive NOPE, NOPE and more NOPE. Like ANYONE would be turned on by a turtleneck jumper! This is a loud and clear message to any guy owning a turtleneck jumper: throw the damn thing out, please. Any retailers reading this, stocking turtleneck jumpers, please take them off the shelves immediately. Women around the world are begging for these to be banned from nightclubs and bars alike. Let’s talk about the colors: why do they always come in khaki or mustard? Can somebody source who made these unsightly pullovers and tell me, please?

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  1. Long fingernails

Ok, these are huge NO from me. Only because I think they look a little bit strange. But I’ve had a few friends that are turned on by long fingernails. One of them liked the way they felt on her back when he ran his nails down during sex. Another friend told me that she even painted her partner’s fingernails once, top coat and everything. Beats me.

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  1. Muscles

Muscles divided opinion amongst my friends the most. I’m a take-it-or-leave-it kind of girl. Having big muscles isn’t essential, but it’s nice knowing your partner takes care of his body. I’m not into that bodybuilder, tan-painted-on-with-a-roller look. However, a friend of mine is and only dates bodybuilders. Another friend zeros out muscles – she likes her guys skinny: skinny jeans, skinny tops, skinny everything. ‘A bit of definition is nice’ and ‘I like those V-lines below his abs’ are the two most popular answers.

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Do you have a weird turn on that no one else seems to really understand? Do you like guys with turtlenecks? (I pray the answer is ‘NO’). Whether it’s big noses, long eyelashes or even his beer belly, I’m intrigued to know. Comment below and tell me what makes your fanny flutter.


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